November 2007

Incredible Parenting

By Neal Starkman

When Dianna Hampton’s son, Rhys, first began showing signs of resistance and aggression, she ascribed it to the “terrible twos.” But after a year or two, the Monroe mother realized that “something was not going quite right.” Rhys was making an issue out of everything: At home, he didn’t want to get dressed in the morning, he didn’t want to eat whatever was offered for breakfast, and he didn’t want to adhere to the family schedule. In public, he didn’t want to stay with his parents. In preschool, he didn’t want to move from one activity to the next. And he didn’t want to potty-train.

The Hamptons took their son to a psychologist, who diagnosed Rhys with ADHD. They took him to a psychiatrist, who prescribed medicine that worked only sporadically. They scheduled a sleep study for him, and he was diagnosed with a sleep disorder. Finally, last year, after seeing a flyer at Children’s Hospital, the Hamptons signed up for a program called “The Incredible Years.”

It has made a huge difference. The program, which provides consistent information in separate, two-hour parent and child workshops over 20 weeks, gives participants skills to communicate, to give and get support, to manage anger and depression and to solve problems. Today, Rhys is in kindergarten – making friends, doing well and enthusiastic about learning. Hampton says that Rhys “is always going to be a chatterbox, be active and need clear guidelines,” but now she and her husband constantly encourage each other, brainstorm solutions to problems and “try to ignore the bad behaviors that aren’t dangerous and focus on the good behaviors.”

Focusing on the good behaviors is a hallmark of the Incredible Years. The program, including workshops and materials for parents, for young children and for teachers, was developed by Carolyn Webster-Stratton. She is a nurse, clinical psychologist, author, professor, recipient of numerous scientific and educational awards, and founding director of the Parenting Clinic at the University of Washington. She has coordinated the research behind the Incredible Years, as well as its operation.

Webster-Stratton started out as a nurse-practitioner, teaching Lamaze classes. “I was kind of amazed that there wasn’t a lot for parents after they had their babies,” she says. She went into private practice and became interested in using videos as a way of instruction – showing parents how other parents were behaving in specific situations, what educators call “modeling.” Soon she had hundreds of videos at her disposal, and she began to focus on effective and not-so-effective strategies to use with aggressive children.

“The reality,” says Webster-Stratton, “is that with some kids, their biology is such that they have a lot more aggression than others. There’s a group of kids that are much, much higher in those behaviors than others, and it stays high.” That group ranges from about 2 to 7 percent of children in this country, with the rates higher in lower socioeconomic areas.

PARENTS HELPING PARENTS

In the Incredible Years workshops, parents learn to reward their children’s positive behaviors, to promote their children’s confidence and to manage both their children’s and their own emotions. Jamila Reid is the co-director of the Parenting Clinic, the research component of the program. She says that the parent workshop is a kind of group therapy. “It normalizes their experience, to some extent. It’s also a collaborative approach. The therapists don’t come in and tell parents what to do at home.”

At the beginning of the workshop, the therapists show parents videos of families, and the parents comment on them. Then the parents role-play different situations and try out the strategies with their children. Often, parents don’t realize that they have as many strategies as they do until they share with other parents. Webster-Stratton explains that “we’re trying to show them that they have a whole lot of tools in their tool kit.”

One tool is playing. Reid says that the first four or five weeks of the training encourage parents simply to play more with their children. “It’s very pragmatic, very supportive,” she says. “I think it would be great for all new parents to get some prevention version of this.”

Currently, the Incredible Years offers a BASIC parenting program for parents of toddlers up to 8-year-olds, an ADVANCE parent program for parents of children from 6 to 10, and a Dina Dinosaur curriculum for children from 4 to 8. It has just begun a program for babies and toddlers. Webster-Stratton gets grants from the National Institutes of Health and the National Institute of Mental Health to work not only with families, but also with the children’s teachers. That, she says, is key: to coordinate consistent, positive messages throughout all parts of a child’s life.

“It’s not like we have magic moon dust,” she says, “but we can help parents feel more confident about what they’re doing. If they can keep that going, these kids can improve substantially.”

The data bear her out. Webster-Stratton herself has conducted nine randomized trials evaluating the impact of the program. The overall conclusion is that by two or three years after families have participated in the various workshops, two-thirds of the children that had been diagnosed with conduct disorder fell into the normal range on standardized behavioral measures.

EARLY INTERVENTION

Getting “oppositional” children to channel their aggression isn’t easy, but it’s critical – and it’s critical to begin the intervention early. Before participating in the Incredible Years, Hampton says that her son, Rhys, “saw himself as a child who[m] no one liked.” That’s how it is with such children: Their behaviors cause negative responses, which isolate them even more, causing more aggression and defiance, causing more negativity and more isolation. Fortunately, the spiral can be reversed.

“I didn’t believe it,” Hampton marvels. “The more we focused on how good Rhys would manage himself, the more he would manage himself in a positive way.” Even though she and her husband diligently praise Rhys for good behaviors (“Look at how friendly you’re being with your sister”), they’re not perfect. Rhys, however, will now bring it to their attention if they’ve missed an opportunity to praise.

There are obstacles ahead for the Incredible Years. Despite having a program that’s shown to be effective, despite the need for both prevention and intervention, Webster-Stratton acknowledges that families with aggressive children aren’t a high priority for governments and other entities in positions to fund such programs. The necessity now is strong lobbying.

Parents like Dianna Hampton can certainly make the case, if anyone’s listening. It’s a long, hard struggle to bring up a child who’s constantly taxing your every effort merely to have a little peace at home. But these days Rhys uses the social skills he learned through the Incredible Years, and the Hamptons use incentives for positive behaviors; they call it “getting paid” at the end of the day. Tokens add up to rewards, and Rhys has responded in kind.

“We feel so privileged to have Rhys as a son,” she says. “It’s a joy to be his mom.”

For more information or to order The Incredibles: A Troubleshooting Guide for Parents of Children Aged 2-8 (revised 2006; $19.95), call 1-888-506-3562 or visit www.incredibleyears.com.

Neal Starkman is a Seattle writer and father of one, with a Ph.D. in social psychology. He is the owner of Flashpoint Development, a company specializing in health education.

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