November 2006
Health Notes:
What to Say When Play Mimics Violence
Play has always been the language of childhood. Through play children try to master the things that make them anxious, rehearse new ideas so that they can feel more competent and work out solutions to conflicts with peers. Children bring a great deal of energy and enthusiasm to their play, especially when they are using it to understand feelings and learn about the world.
So it is not surprising that sometimes the content of children’s play turns to themes of power and control, aggression and loss. Given the violent images that fill today’s world, it is not unusual for children to use violent content as the prop for exploring important issues.
Most of us remember playing “shoot ‘em up” or “capture” games complete with bad guys and dungeons. We might even remember the cute holster sets with silver revolvers proudly worn by many a child. Today, however, the images have changed to powerful superheroes engaged in mortal combat with frightening villains and weapons of mass destruction.
What can parents do when children’s play focuses on war or the exploits of superheroes, and generally has violent content? Should violent play or the props of this kind of play be allowed? Instead of banning an entire segment of play choice for children, observation and intervention are likely better options for parents. Here are some suggestions.
If a child seems focused on violent play, perhaps additional support is needed for him to feel safe and competent. For example, 7-year-old James was turning his play into a violent scenario complete with “killers out to get him.” James had been exposed to violent video games as well as movies with violent content. In school James was also witnessing some bullying. His own fears about his safety made him need to feel excessively powerful, and he was using play to deal with his fears.
James’ parents decided to limit his access to violent media and reassured him that the images were not real. They also talked with James about how he could keep himself safe and how the adults in his life would also keep him safe. Classroom bullying was addressed with his teacher.
Intervene early if you notice that the themes of children’s play become more aggressive and out of control. Set rules with children before they begin playing that reinforce the pretend nature of play and the need for everyone to be and feel safe. Enlist the children’s help in establishing the boundaries for play. These boundaries could include not touching a friend’s body and not aiming weapons directly at a friend.
Limit children’s exposure to violent themed or frightening media images, including TV news reports and cartoons. When your children do watch superhero programs, sit with them and talk about the programs. Often, the plots are formulaic, without much variation. Ask your child if the superhero could have solved the problem another way or if there was anything the bad guy could have done differently. Then, when she repeats these themes in her play, raise the same questions and contribute some ideas about other possible solutions.
Encourage creative and open-ended play by reading with your child and playing imaginative games. Instead of purchasing toys with pre-set themes (like action figures), provide materials that allow children to develop their own ideas. Even everyday household items can allow children the flexibility to be creative. (Remember using blankets to make “tents” for secret hideaways?)
Adults can influence children’s behavior by role modeling a peaceful problem solving approach to conflict resolution. Help your children to have warm, healthy and close relationships with others. The capacity to love and respect other human beings is certainly the best defense against violence in our world.
Lenore Rubin, Ph.D., is a child psychologist with the Child Care Health Program, Public Health – Seattle & King County.
Resources:
Child Care Health Program, Public Health – Seattle & King County: 206-696-2770. www.metrokc.gov/health/childcare.
Partners in Child Care, Snohomish Health District: 425-339-5230. www.snohd.org.
National Association for the Education of Young Children: The Web site contains information on a variety of related topics, including “Media Violence and Children’s Lives” and “Helping Young Children Deal with Violence in the News.” 1-800-424-2460. www.naeyc.org/ece/critical/violence.asp.
Media Awareness Network: This Canadian nonprofit organization has information for parents and for teachers on television, video games and other media, as well as children’s safety at school, at home and on the Internet. 613-224-7721. www.media-awareness.ca.
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