October 2006
Less Toys, More Joys
Recently, our son Elliott turned 6. We planned a full-service karate party for 20 kids at a local dojo – something we’d purchased at his school’s auction.
At the time, we were cleaning out and turning things over, inside and outside our home. The whole family was into it. As our donation pile and clean-green piles grew, we talked about the sources of excess. The thread of our conversation wove gently toward Elliott’s upcoming birthday party.
Twenty friends at a birthday party bring big energy, big fun and traditionally loads of presents. Unfortunately, many of the gifts Elliott would receive might be similar to those we were donating through house cleaning. As a family, we talked about why we have birthday parties, what the gift-giving is about, and where the real joy is. Our son thought it would be a neat idea if everyone at the party got a birthday present, instead of all 20 gifts going to him.
He said, “If everyone got a present, there would be more joys!” Our motto was set – Less toys, more joys.
So we sent a message to all families invited to the party:
We hope that all is well with you and yours. And we hope that you can attend Elliott’s 6th birthday-karate party. It will be a kickin’ celebration. Our request is that instead of bringing a present for Elliott, please bring a wrapped boy gift, $10 or under (a small toy or book) to the party. When it’s present time, Elliott will draw names from a hat and each child will get to choose a present. As parents, we know that our children are blessed abundantly. We are grateful for their health, friends and family that surround them. Our birthday motto is – Less toys, more joys! Let’s see how it works. We believe it will.
A handful of parents immediately endorsed the idea. Later, on the playground, parents asked questions about it, and we reassured them that Elliott was on board with the approach.
The party day arrived at last. Elliott and his pals were in great spirits, happy to be with each other. They learned karate and had fun under the command of the professional black-belt instructor.
After pizza and cake, it was present time. My heart jumped, my stomach turned, and my mind did its nervous talk: “Was this ‘less toys’ thing really a good idea? How could we, as parents, deprive our child of the experience of receiving gifts? What if there were tears, anger and confusion?”
Elliott took a spot in front of his pals and he slowly drew their names from a hat. “Mason!” exclaimed Elliott. Mason selected a wrapped gift. The karate instructor asked him to hold onto the present and to not open it. Next, “Josh, Bryce, Nick, Callum” … all names were drawn, all presents selected. Thanks to the instructor’s keen intuition and direction, the kids gave the wrapped gifts to their parents to open when they got home. The playing continued. It was time to earn karate kicks, and Elliott was in the center ring.
On our way home, we asked Elliott what he enjoyed most about his party. He was quiet for a while, and then he said, “Drawing my friends’ names and them getting the presents!”
It was a defining moment for me. Our son experienced and expressed his capacity for generosity and joy. My heart swelled with pride, love and gratitude. Small kids doing big things – another powerful source of renewal and inspiration.
Jean Oplinger is a Seattle leadership development coach for small businesses and a mother of two.
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