September 2006

Health Notes
Self Calming during Times of Stress

By Lenore Rubin, Ph.D.

As residents of western Washington, we all become accustomed to the seasonal variations in our weather. Some of us do better than others in adjusting to the grey skies, rain showers and the occasional odd weather pattern. We accept the pattern; it is a routine we know and can rely on even though we might long for sunny skies. The routines and patterns provided by nature serve as a good model for all of us about dealing with stress and change in our lives and the lives of our family.

Familiar routines and rituals provide us with continuity and control. Building routines into your children’s day can make daily transitions easier, especially as they face the stress of beginning a new school year. For example, discuss the coming day’s activities as you pack their bag with items needed for that day. A goodbye song or poem can signal, “We are leaving home.”

People of all ages need to have ways to cope with stress. Adults have more options as they have more choice and control over what they can do. Many of us turn to exercise or hobbies and activities such as gardening to cope with stress. Very young children turn to their caregivers or a security object such as a blanket or toy. Our close bond with children offers them comfort and reassurance, and as they grow they develop the ability to comfort themselves.

Babies often learn this early. For example, a mother may be driving home from work and hear her 6-month-old daughter begin to whimper. She readies herself for the piercing cries she fears will follow, but suddenly she hears a sucking sound. In sucking on her hand, the baby has found a way to provide herself some comfort, using a method she can control. Other self-soothing activities in young children include thumb sucking and repetitive activities like rocking or holding a cherished blanket closely.

However, there are times when stressors may increase and children need extra support. Many stressors involve transitions – for example moving homes, beginning a new school or changing caregivers. What can parents do?

1. Help children familiarize themselves with the transition plan. For example, visit a school and even meet with the teacher, if possible, before the child starts the program.

2. Practice some things that might be scary for the child. If your child will be riding the bus, set up a pretend bus with chairs and practice getting on, sitting, looking out the window and waving goodbye.

3. Help foster relationships that might provide support. For example, if you know another child attending your child’s program, arrange a playtime.

4. Have a daily time set aside to play with your child without any distractions. Even 15 minutes of uninterrupted play will help both you and your child de-stress.

5. Find ways to cope with your own stress and be a role model for your children.

6. Practice ways of handling stress with your child. Some parents find it helps to teach their children to take three deep breaths when they start to feel worried about something.

Consistent and caring relationships with adults help children to develop coping skills necessary to manage change in their lives and help them to develop self-confidence.

Lenore Rubin, Ph.D., is a child psychologist with the Child Care Health Program, Public Health – Seattle & King County.

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